Strong in my weakness…
”And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ’s sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.” ~ 2 Corinthians 12:9-10
I remember when I wasn’t a Christian how narrow my thoughts about this walk was. I honestly believed that people became a Christian by pressing this invisible reset button. It was so easy to see the obvious but not to understand it. It was so easy to say that they ran to Christianity because they had no one else to run to. In other words it was too easy to judge, yet so difficult to understand. Yet understanding something unknown is easier to accomplish when your willing to understand it. For many years I just didn’t want to understand the why, but always knew the “who” they were following.
Fast forward to the present I will be lying if I told you that since I pressed that reset button in my life, that it’s been easier. There has been many low points in my life even after I said yes to Jesus Christ being my savior. Within those low moments anger was a familiar emotion. I couldn’t fathom the reason I was still hitting rock bottom when I served a God who has the power to prevent such life events. Many times I thought that my decision to follow Christ provoked me to fall even more than when I didn’t have Him as the center of my life. Many times that anger cause me to separate myself from Him. I’m grateful now for His grace and love for me. For too many times I walked away from Him, but never once has He walked away from me.
During these low moments in my life I felt just like everyone else, who had struggled in life. I felt shame, depression, pain, suffocated, confusion, belittled, low self esteem, and weak. There’s nothing worse than having everyone against you and being your worse enemy as while. All these situations and emotions caused me to feel such a high level of weakness. A weakness that I grew to despise. A weakness that didn’t allow me to sleep at night yet had me sleeping all day (insomnia). It took away my hunger and made me physically sick, every time I will force myself to eat. It caused me to isolate myself because having to be around people was too much to handle. Having to repeat myself numerous times caused me to have to relive everything I was trying so hard to to forget.
Maybe for many people looking from the outside my situation didn’t seem like a huge deal. This is the beauty of processes though, no one has the power to judge it and tell you your wrong. It’s “your process” for a reason. Only God can stop it, continue it, speed it up, or slow it down. It’s hard to remember this at the moment because control is the last thing we have when we are living out these moments. However remember who has the final say over everything in your life. God has the final word. He’s the one you will need to explain yourself to and no one else.
The most beautiful lesson I learned in every process is how strong He made me throughout my weakness. I know when people think of strong they picture Wonder Woman but that is wrong in so many ways. Being strong could be forcing yourself to get up today and not sleep in. It could be saying one positive thing about your life or situation. It could be smiling when you believe you have no reason to. Being strong is taking that one step forward that seemed impossible the day before. That’s a milestone. That’s a huge reason to rejoice. That’s God showing you His grace upon your life. Celebrate that milestone !! Give thanks for that one step you took. That one step can change everything for the better.
The best part of these moments when I saw myself weak was being able to feel God closer to me. In Psalm 34:18 the Lord remains us that He is close to the broken-hearted and saves those who are weak in the spirit. Many times in our lowest we crave for true affection. That one person who can just come from nowhere and change everything around. That one person who can save us from ourselves. We get caught up on finding that physical person, that we forget that there’s a God who is dying to save us from all of our devastation.
It all made sense to me one day! The second I saw my weakness as a step forward, and not a step backwards. It was in that moment I was ok feeling like I had no control and even more ok knowing that God will solve all these problems. The strength that the Lord could provide no human walking the earth could provide. The weakness that all humans experience and see; is the same weakness that the Lord takes to plant a new seed of blessings in your life!
There is strength in the weak !
Repeat out loud this prayer if you feel the need to!
Lord here I am broken and weak. I stand in front of you the same way you see me, as myself. I acknowledge that you are the Lord of all lords and King of all Kings. I know everything you allow has a greater meaning that my temporary emotions. I believe that I must walk through this process to reach closer to all the plans you have for me. I don’t understand but I know I’m in your hands. I know where I stand. Help me remain steadfast and find comfort in Your word. If this is Your will then align and finish what You have started in me. I know Your a father who keeps His promise. Lover of my soul keep staying with me and molding me to Your perfect image. In Your name I find strength, in Your name I can resist the enemy. In Your name everything that is not from You must flee. Thank you Father. Amen.