I’m Hurting

(Inhale deeply) God, (exhale loudly)

Today your word hit me differently.

It’s no longer a verse I’m aware of but a verse my eyes will testify to.

Although I understand the verse and my eyes see it, my grieving stage won’t allow me to apply it.

While at least not together, anyways.

What I’m trying to say is, my mind is stuck on denial but I’m going to move pass this.

The weight of job 1:20-22 fell heavy on my spirit.

Job tore his robe and shaved his head; my heart broke and my spirit began to mourn.

Naked she came from her mother’s womb and naked she will return.

Oh Lord I know you give and take.

I know death is a representation of gain.

Everything is rushing quickly to my brain and the only sense I have now is pain.

What strength do I have left to give, aside from little bits of silent praises.

I lift my arms up to you Lord in hopes I feel you reaching down.

Oh potter please do not remove your hands from me.

I place everything I am back to you for only you are able to make something new out of this clay.

Twirl me around until every inch of my emotions have been tamed and removed.

Save me from drowning in this pool of tears.

For I believe in the almighty one and you promised that living water will flow from within.

I’ll be brave for a moment and ask you to please remove this cup.

But I’m wise enough to know that in the end of the day your will, will be done.

My Lord is this what you felt before being crucified?

Godly enough to get through it but human enough to feel conflicted by it.

Spiritual enough to know you ain’t trying to hurt me, but human to admit this all deep down is breaking me .

Spiritual enough to know you love and are near me but human to admit that I feel lonely.

But who am I to question your mysteries for only you Lord knows the time to every works.

I know you know the plans you have for me even when I don’t.

What I’m trying to say is…

(Inhale deeply) Lord, I’m hurting (exhale loudly).

Victoria 💛

For all my mothers and daughters 💞

For all my beautiful mothers and daughters! Had to share the devotional of today. Gain or regain your confidence again in the Lord !

“Day One: Confident

Scripture: 2 Corinthians 3:4–5, Romans 7:21–25

Shortly after I graduated from college, I saw something so extraordinarily beautiful in my friend and her mom that I also wanted it. Simply stated, they both exuded confidence. They seemed unaffected—miraculously so—by the world’s expectation of beauty and the entire web of heartache and self-obsession that accompanies. I saw the joy and freedom that confidence produced in them, and it was contagious. If one-day I had a daughter, I wanted her to be joyful, free, and confident. 

The question was, how could I get there? I honestly never really tried to become confident, because I didn’t believe it was possible. At that time in my life, I wrote myself off as someone who was always going to be insecure and went on my merry, messy way. 

But insecurity is destructive. It doesn’t stay with numbers on the scale or clothes that are too small. It seeps into friendships, careers, marriages, and definitely parenting. The years moved forward, I fell in love, got married, and the damage of an impoverished self-image kept with me. Our family grew, but the unspoken yet familiar formula was not promising: an insecure mother + crossed fingers = a daughter who will somehow magically avoid the insecurity maelstrom.

I decided to do the one thing I felt I could do: teach myself to be confident so that I could turn around and teach her. After all, how could I possibly expect her to love her body, her face, her hair, her life, her uniqueness, her gifts, her everything if I didn’t learn to love mine first?

The first step was dropping to my knees and asking God to help me see myself as He sees me, because a surrendered will combined with a praying heart invites the Holy Spirit to work within us. Over the years, through the power of God’s Word and His provision, I have retrained my mind to see myself and my body through new eyes and have jumped off the insecurity train. This is miraculous news! It means that if there is hope for me, there is hope for my girl. And if there is hope for my girl, there is hope for you and yours.

God wants you to be free and have God-shaped confidence. Do you believe this is possible? Why or why not? Are you willing to try?”