I’m Hurting

(Inhale deeply) God, (exhale loudly)

Today your word hit me differently.

It’s no longer a verse I’m aware of but a verse my eyes will testify to.

Although I understand the verse and my eyes see it, my grieving stage won’t allow me to apply it.

While at least not together, anyways.

What I’m trying to say is, my mind is stuck on denial but I’m going to move pass this.

The weight of job 1:20-22 fell heavy on my spirit.

Job tore his robe and shaved his head; my heart broke and my spirit began to mourn.

Naked she came from her mother’s womb and naked she will return.

Oh Lord I know you give and take.

I know death is a representation of gain.

Everything is rushing quickly to my brain and the only sense I have now is pain.

What strength do I have left to give, aside from little bits of silent praises.

I lift my arms up to you Lord in hopes I feel you reaching down.

Oh potter please do not remove your hands from me.

I place everything I am back to you for only you are able to make something new out of this clay.

Twirl me around until every inch of my emotions have been tamed and removed.

Save me from drowning in this pool of tears.

For I believe in the almighty one and you promised that living water will flow from within.

I’ll be brave for a moment and ask you to please remove this cup.

But I’m wise enough to know that in the end of the day your will, will be done.

My Lord is this what you felt before being crucified?

Godly enough to get through it but human enough to feel conflicted by it.

Spiritual enough to know you ain’t trying to hurt me, but human to admit this all deep down is breaking me .

Spiritual enough to know you love and are near me but human to admit that I feel lonely.

But who am I to question your mysteries for only you Lord knows the time to every works.

I know you know the plans you have for me even when I don’t.

What I’m trying to say is…

(Inhale deeply) Lord, I’m hurting (exhale loudly).

Victoria 💛

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